IM BACK. Landed. Yay. Geez. lets not do tachycardia again, the post "I survived a a heart event" euphoria is great. The whump at the end was equivalent to that I experienced on on Friday 28 March 2003 at 5.05pm when a consultant and registrar said to me. "You arent stupid Ann-Marie so we will be straight up, we believe we have found a secondary brain tumour. We want to start looking for the primary site". That day they sent me home over the weekend to think and gave me 2 zopilcone to sleep. I didnt take them. I wanted to live every moment. I watched the sun come up and the light on my black cat on the deck. I went back to the hospital that morning and we waited. After three weeks they sent me home with " we will know in three weeks if its cancer, as it will grow". It didnt. It was a few months haul back to living as Id gone there with liiving those days as potentially my last. Thats what happened this time. I went to that place again of being peacefully reconciled to death and it takes a bit for me to come back. I havent slept in two nights. A third night sometimes bring psychosis so GP has given me sleep stuff to tie me over till tomrrows consult. I can proudly say I havent had to use PRN sleep meds for two years. Tonight I will use it to get the sleep back into rhthym and then I rejig my life again for this term to accomdate what I actually can do while we work out a new health management plan. xo
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